Type Fours in Relationships: Strengths & Areas for Improvements

Exploring Enneagram 4 Compatibility With All 9 Personality Types

With a deep nature, Type Fours in relationships are empathetic & good listeners. But the tendency to be swept away by feelings poses challenges for their relationship.

Creative, romantic, and highly emotional, Enneagram Type Fours in relationships value depth and empathy. They are passionate, deep, and expressive of their moods and long to be seen and understood for who they genuinely are. However, Fours may become moody and self-conscious and easily get swept away in their feelings and daydreams. That’s why people of this type should need a partner to bring them back to reality. Read on to learn about Enneagram Type 4 relationship compatibility and find out what type is their best match.

Enneagram Type Fours in Relationships: Love, Family, and Friendships

Generally, Enneagram Fours, the Individualists, are characterized by their strong introspective, sensitive, and deep nature; they crave authenticity with an acute desire to be unique and to express their individuality. They are reserved, quiet, emotionally honest, and self-aware, but can also become too moody. 

Deep inside, the Individualists may struggle with a profound inner conflict as they yearn for connection with others, yet believe that their uniqueness makes it difficult for others to understand and appreciate them.

Enneagram Fours in Romantic Relationships

In love and romantic relationships, Fours are romantic, passionate, and emotional partners who consistently seek to express their love and make their significant other feel special. People of this type tend to long to be deeply understood by their partner and may often spend lots of time thinking about their identity and who they are within the partnership. 


  • Focus and attention toward their relationship
  • Having a greater tendency to express emotions openly
  • Bring a wealth of depth and creativity to romantic relationships

Potential challenges:

  • Struggle to hold realistic expectations of their relationships
  • May find it hard to maintain a balanced, consistent mood
  • Have trouble separating their emotions or feelings from an argument

How-to-grow tips:

  • Practice gratitude for what they have and embrace the beauty of ordinary moments
  • Communicate openly about needs and expectations to avoid misunderstandings
  • Learn to balance intense emotions and avoid overwhelming the relationship

Enneagram Fours in the Family Relationship

Enneagram Type 4 brings emotional depth, creativity, and authenticity to their family relationships. Their introspective nature allows them to understand others' emotions, becoming highly empathetic with the ability to connect with others on an emotional level. However, their tendencies towards sensitivity and expressing all of their feelings may sometimes create challenges in maintaining a harmonious family environment.


  • Sensitivity to and understanding of the emotions and feelings of others
  • Inspiring others with their imaginative and artistic perspectives
  • May often provide a safe space for family members to express their feelings

Potential challenges:

  • May feel isolated or withdraw due to their complex inner world
  • Tendency to focus too much on their emotions

How-to-grow tips:

  • Practicing open and honest communication
  • Work on managing intense emotions and finding emotional balance
  • Focus on the positive aspects of family members and express gratitude
  • Learn to manage their emotional reactivity and find constructive ways to address conflicts within the family

Enneagram Fours with Friends

In friendships, Type 4 are empathetic, warm, thoughtful, and creative, providing a safe place for their friends to be their true selves.

Individualists are not looking for shallow acquaintances but crave authenticity, serious conversations, and deep understandings where they can be themselves, share their deepest feelings, and hear other perspectives.

However, their emotional depth and major focus on feeling and uniqueness might often be misunderstood.


  • Adept at providing their friends with emotional support
  • Able to foster authentic connections with those they find understanding them and their feelings

Potential challenges:

  • May isolate or withdraw themselves from others in times of stress and difficulty
  • May often feel misunderstood due to their emotional depth and unique way of viewing the world

How-to-grow tips:

  • Share feelings openly and honestly to build trust and deepen connections
  • Strive to be reliable and present, even during emotional lows
  • Practice opening up to constructive feedback, both positive and negative

Enneagram Type 4 Relationship Compatibility

Before delving deeper into insights about how compatible type 4 is with each of the nine personality types or what types best match with Fours, it’s worth noting that relationship compatibility is not just guaranteed by types.

Though natural affinity between types matters, things like mutual respect and understanding, effective communication, willingness to work on self-awareness and personal growth, etc., determine a successful relationship. In other words, any type can be greatly compatible if both partners are mature and empathetic enough.

Type 4 and Type 1

Both Enneagram Fours and Ones are idealists. Their energies can complement each other well when both are in sync, even though their natural core traits are opposite in many ways. Type 1s bring self-discipline, principles, integrity, and a desire for improvement to the relationship, while Type 4s offer creativity, sensitivity, emotional depth, and an expressive nature.

When Type Fours in relationships, romantically, this duo can create a deep, meaningful relationship where both partners grow and support one another to overcome their weaknesses. Fours, with their emotional depth and creativity, can inspire Ones to explore their feelings and think outside the box. Ones, in turn, offer stability and practicality, bringing boundaries to the endless self-expression and depth of Fours.

Likewise, Type 1 and Type 4 can complement each other in their family relationships. Fours can encourage Type 1s to loosen up a bit, and Type 1s can help their Type 4 partners be more realistic. In friendships, the depth of the 4's connection and the 1's loyalty can also create a rich, supportive bond as long as they navigate the 4's moodiness and the 1's tendency to judge.

It’s important to note that tension and conflicts between these two, whether in love, family, or friendship, can arise easily when Type 4’s emotional intensity clashes with Type 1’s critical nature. The Four may feel critiqued for being different, while the One may feel overwhelmed by their partner. So, open communication and mutual understanding are crucial.

Type 4 with Type 2

With Twos (the Helpers), Enneagram Fours can have a warm partnership as both seek connection and warmth and are willing to offer it when they are healthy. Once these two can get closer together, they can be a safe place for one another to open up about their fears, hopes, aspirations, and insecurities. 

In love and romance, the Four-Two couple are connected and empathetic, with the Four offering emotional honesty and creativity while the Two bringing a social, friendly energy to the relationship.

Type Fours in relationships, with their deep feelings and longing for uniqueness, may help Twos be more in tune with feelings and emotions deep inside themselves. Also, Twos, with their inherent warmth and care, can give Fours unconditional love and support and help them become better engaged and connected in the real world. Together, this couple can form a deep and fulfilling relationship.

In family life, Fours and Twos may create a supportive environment, with Two’s warm, thoughtful, caring nature blending with Fours’ sensitivity, creativity, and emotional depth. Similarly, friendships between Enneagram Type 2s and Type 4s can be mutually enriching, where Twos bring practical support and a listening ear, while Fours offer creativity and depth.

However, challenges and misunderstandings may arise due to too much emotionality and unspoken demands. Tension can also appear when Twos find Fours too temperamental and moody or when Fours finds Twos overly people-pleasing, flattering, or insincere. Appreciating differences and being more attentive to one another’s emotional needs without becoming absorbed in them are keys to enhancing compatibility.

Type 4 with Type 3

The romantic Fours and goal-oriented Threes can build something of a complementary relationship where both partners provide essential traits that the other person generally lacks. Type 4s, with their emotional depth and introspective nature, can help Type 3s acknowledge and process their feelings on a deeper level. Enneagram Threes also bring a sense of ambition, self-confidence, and practicality to the relationship, assisting Fours in being more present in reality.

As a romantic couple, type Threes and type Fours in relationships can create a love that inspires each other for a lifetime. Together, they help their significant other pay attention to things that matter to themselves and their personal growth. The Four brings depth, sensitivity, and introspection to help the Three slow down and look deeper inside. Likewise, the Three offers practicality, energy, adaptability, and ambition, which help the romantic Four better handle their too-sensitive feelings and silence their self-doubts.

Similarly, Type 4s’ emotional insight and creativity, combined with Type 3s’ competency and high energy, are likely to create an environment of mutual support and growth. In friendships, they can help balance each other—Type 3s motivating Type 4s towards practical achievements and Type 4s helping Type 3s slow down and better connect with their inner selves.

Still, the truth is that challenges exist within this combination due to their markedly different emotional temperaments, particularly when Fours find Type 3s focus too much on achievements and neglect emotionality and Threes find Type 4s’ emotionality overwhelmed or irrational.

The key to a better connection between these two often lies in open communication and being more realistic about their expectations for their partner.

Type 4 with Type 4

As a double-type relationship, two Enneagram Type 4s bring quite the same traits and qualities to their relationship. Both are deep, creative, idealistic, empathetic, and highly attuned to their inner emotions and feelings. They tend to make good friends, and a close, warm friendship is what this duo often adds to their intimate relationships. However, emotional instability can be one of the primary sources of problems for two Type Fours in relationships.

In romantic relationships, two Fours are highly romantic and idealistic; they have the same longing for authenticity, beauty, meaning, and understanding in the world. Though they may often feel misunderstood by others, these two can feel deeply understood by their significant other. They can spend many hours talking about their deepest fears, thoughts, and emotions, their dreams and passions, and more.

In family relationships, two Type 4s can create an environment rich with empathy and creativity. Also, double Fours, as friends, can be a safe place for each other’s emotional expression, offering empathy and understanding each other’s unique perspectives.

However, please note that potential challenges may arise from the heightened sensitivity and moodiness of both partners.

In addition, these two are sensitive to falsehoods about one another, and their relentless demand for authenticity can be draining for both. To strengthen their connections, they should communicate openly, find a healthy balance between shared introspection and staying active together, and practice gratitude regularly.

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Type 4 with Type 5

Fours, the Romantics, and Fives, the Investigators, may form highly compatible relationships; each offers a certain richness, unique qualities, and beneficial traits to their connection. The Four brings sensitivity, emotional depth, and creativity, while the Five brings their curious, independent, innovative, and insightful nature. Both types are creative and can help inspire creativity in one another. They also have different interests; however, both appreciate their partner’s unique perspectives and respect one another’s feelings and interests.

As a couple in love, the 4-5 pairing can create a quietly romantic type of love, as both have multiple patient and introverted personality traits in common.

These two understand their partner’s genuine need for personal time and desire for a deep understanding. More importantly, the Five, with their logical, rational nature and steadiness, can serve as an anchor to the moody Fours and their emotional storms. On the other hand, the Four can also bring more color to the Five’s logical and cerebral world, helping them to tap into their emotions on a deeper level.

As a family, Fours and Fives can foster a kind of balanced and supportive home environment, with Type 4s’ emotional insight and creativity blending with Type 5s’s knowledge, stability, and rationality. Also, friendships between these two are deep and supportive, though it may take time to build mutual trust and understanding. As true friends, they respect each other's need for space and can enjoy deep conversations as well as comfortable silences.

As with any pairing of Enneatypes, this duo may encounter real challenges within their relationships, particularly when the Fours find Type 5s’ detachment and too much intellectual nature frustrating, whereas the Fives find Type 4s’ self-expression overwhelmed. To develop a relationship, whether a love, friendship, or family relationship, appreciating the balance both partners bring and respecting one another’s needs and differences are keys.

Type 4 and Type 6 

Sixes and Fours do not seem complementary at first glance, as both are anxious and worried. Their combination may trigger the worst in each; however, if both are healthy, balanced, and mature enough, they can be a huge motivation for one another to overcome their inner fears and weaknesses.These two possess very shared traits (such as sensitivity, affection, or the tendency to react emotionally), allowing them to have an exceptional level of understanding and acceptance for each other.

In love, type Fours in relationships with Fives may be full of emotional depth and security. This couple can be so similar; they can find the depth they long for in a relationship.

Type 4s, with their sensitivity, creativity, and the ability to acknowledge and express emotions openly, can help Sixes be in touch with their inner selves. As for Type 6s, they offer loyalty, commitment, hard work, practicality, and a strong sense of security. When both are healthy, this pairing can effectively stabilize and support each other.

Similarly, these two may create a supportive and secure family environment, with the Four’s depth and emotional insight and the Six’s reliability and concern about security. As friends, this pairing is often characterized by a blend of introspection and loyalty, likely forming a deep and trustworthy bond.

Still, challenges may arise at any time due to their differing approaches to life, especially when Type 4s become too emotionally intense or Type 6s become overly anxious and need constant reassurance. So, to improve their relationship compatibility, both types should maintain open communication to build trust and mutual understanding, as well as find balance by managing emotional intensity and anxiety.

Type 4 and Type 7

The relationships between Enneagram Fours and Sevens shine together as friends, family, coworkers, and within romantic relationships. Though these two may differ or even be opposite in many ways, they both think creatively and appreciate any excitement each offers to the relationship. To delve deeper, the 4-7 pairing is considered a great example of opposites attracting:

Type 4s are introverted, emotional, self-doubting, and quiet, while Type 7s tend to be extroverted, mental, self-confident, and outgoing.

As a romantic couple, these two can create a dynamic duo. With Enneagram Sevens, Type 4 individuals may enjoy many adventures; the Seven can help their partner see positive, wonderful things in life and bolster the self-confidence inside the Four. Also, Type 4, with their depth and interiority, can help their Type 7 partner stay grounded and focused on what they genuinely want and better connect with their inner feelings. Together, this couple can balance each other. Still, Fours and Sevens are different in many ways, so it requires both partners to put in a special effort to make their relationship long-lasting.

In family relationships, the Four and Seven can also build a vibrant and engaging environment, with the type 4's creativity and emotional expressiveness meeting the type 7's playfulness and adventurous spirit. Liksewide, as friends, they can balance each other—Fours provide emotional grounding for Sevens' scattered energy, and Sevens help pull Fours out of their emotional ruts.

Once again, it’s essential to emphasize that the 4–7 pairing is so different in their personalities: Type 4 likes to dive deep, while Type 7 may often avoid serious conversations. Conflicts and tension may arise when Type 4s become too introspective and withdrawn or if Type 7s avoid emotional depth and commitment. The key lies in communication and staying present to disappointments or conflicts rather than withdrawing or escaping.

Type 4 with Type 8

Type 4s, the Romantics, and Type 8s, the Challengers, are both intense and have really strong emotional responses. When pairing together, these two tend to bring their passion, energy, intensity, and deep (conscious and unconscious) feelings to almost all aspects of their relationships.

In love, Fours tend to be drawn to Eights' strength and decisiveness, while Eights may find Fours' emotional depth and creativity attractive. Both are intuitive and also bring their unique qualities that the other person seems to be lacking: Type 4s offer their sensitivity, depth, and emotional vulnerability, while Type 8s bring their strong sense of practicality, protection, assertiveness, and strength to the relationship. There might be a magnetic connection between this couple, though their many big emotions and differences in their core personalities may lead to significant challenges for their intimate connections.

Within family relationships, this duo, with Fours’ depth and creativity meeting the type 8's protection, strong leadership, and stability, may create a balanced and secure family environment (though challenges do exist). Likewise, in friendships, Types 4 and 9 may create a deep and empowering relationship.

Of course, challenges and difficulties for type Fours in relationships with Eights may arise at any time since both want to be without control and tend to be reactive in conflict.

The tension between them may also take place when the Four finds the Eight’s power overwhelming and the Eight finds the Four’s withdrawing nature frustrating. It’s also worth emphasizing that these two often feel misunderstood. So, open, constructive communication, compassion, and appreciation for each other’s strengths and unique qualities are vital for healthy 4–8 relationships.

Type 4 and Type 9

The calm and easygoing nature of Nines, the Peacemakers, can blend so well with Fours’ intensity and emotional depth. They are naturally nonjudgmental, accepting, and able to understand all the emotions of their partners, making Fours feel safe and keeping them calmer and under control even during their emotional storms.

In love and romance, this couple may create a relationship where both partners feel understood and valued.

The Four, with their keen emotional awareness and sensitivity, can make the Nine more expressive about their feelings. Also, the Nine, with their peaceful stamina and nonjudgmental nature, provide the Four with a sense of acceptance, allowing them to move forward in self-love.

More importantly, the Nine offers practicality to the Four, keeping them grounded, while the Four brings energy and creativity to the Nine, encouraging them to explore the world. Together, they are suited for an interesting and beautiful life, especially when both are healthy and balanced.

In family life, these two may also create an environment of mutual support and understanding, where Type 9 provides harmony, patience, and a calming presence and Type 4 offers deep emotional insight and creativity. In the same manner, Types 4 and 9 may often find a comfortable rhythm, with Type 4s appreciating the nonjudgmental acceptance of Type 9s and Type 9s enjoying the depth and authenticity that Type 4s bring to the friendship.

For sure, the 4-9 pairing is not perfectly compatible (or no pairing of Enneatypes is perfect, to be exact). Conflicts may arise and even get worse due to their different ways of responding to stress: Type 9s become more disengaged and difficult to connect with, while Type 4s may become increasingly emotionally volatile and demanding. To enhance compatibility, both partners should practice open, effective communication and learn to balance emotional intensity and calmness. It’s essential to use their words with the other person in a kind, meaningful, and thoughtful way.

Bottom Line

Enneagram Type Fours bring depth, creativity, and emotional richness to their relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendships. They are also self-aware, sensitive, artistically inclined, and able to engage with others on a deep emotional level. However, they can also become too moody and lose touch with reality, being swept away by their feelings and daydreams. So, they need a partner who helps keep them grounded. That makes type Fours in relationships potentially compatible with types 5, 9, and 2. But that does not necessarily mean they cannot be aligned with other types. The truth is that all pairings of type have unique strengths and challenges. Fours can match with any type as long as both partners can foster open communication, mutual respect and understanding, and know how to appreciate each other’s differences.

You can read information about the Enneagram 3 at Enneagram 3 Relationship Compatibility: Insights, Challenges, Growth Strategies.